Jeremy Grifski – Page 88 – The Renegade Coder

Engineering is all bark and no bite. And by bark, I mean bureaucracy. Life in The Office Now, I know what you're thinking. "That's quite the claim there, Jim." And, you'd be right—well, partially. After all, my name's not Jim. Though, I guess that's fair considering I imagined you as Dwight from The Office. Feel free to take that however you want. In the meantime, I'm going to need you to humor me. Have you ever had an idea that you wanted to turn into reality? No, this isn't a sales pitch. I'm being serious. Imagine studying long and hard to learn the skills necessary to put together that idea. Now, imagine laying out a design and getting ready to put that idea into action. What would you do next? At that point, you could assemble your design then walk away happy. Realistically, you might discover a few flaws then iterate through a couple of prototypes before settling on a final product. That's fine! That's what makes engineering so exciting. The Standard Engineering Process Now let's step back to where we had our initial idea. Have you documented it? Why not? How are you going to possibly pitch it? Oh you thought maybe the company with the endless funds would just let you follow your engineering dreams? No way! They have to bury you in endless processes. You see once you've pitched your idea, you'll have to iterate over the concept for a while. This process may last years. No, they don't want to see prototypes. They want you to prove that your concept is viable via lengthy PowerPoint presentations loaded with monetary figures and growth charts. If approved, you'll be one step closer to delivering your concept. The Sales Pitch If you've survived this far, then you should be rewarded with a healthy team and some funds to get the work done. Wrong again! Before you can start implementation, your design has to be pitched to potential customers. Again, you still have no working prototype to show to these potential customers, but don't worry! You're not the one giving the pitch. The sales team is. That means you're about to be committed to several new features and deadlines you never had in mind. By the time the contracts are signed, you probably won't even recognize your original idea. By now, the company is committed to producing their variation of your product. However, now is not the time to start being selfish. You have a long way to go before you can start complaining. That's because at this point, you have to learn a new skill: project management. Oh you thought maybe we would be able to work happily at our own pace now? Hardly! The sales team has already committed you to an initial release of your product by the end of the quarter. They figured as long as everyone on your team works at least 20% overtime for the next 12 weeks then the product should come out the door right on time. Of course, they didn't hire anyone new for the team. That costs money. Money which they will have when you deliver your first product, so get to it! Project Management Now back to this project management piece. Since you're the brilliant fella who came up with the idea, you're naturally the person upper management has put in charge of overseeing the project. Wait a minute! Aren't you the one who was getting excited about implementation? Yeah, you're not going to have any time for that. You're now in charge of writing impossible deadlines for your teammates who will inevitably hate you by the end of the project. You're also the primary liaison for anything related to the project. Get used to answering any and all technical questions despite having no interaction with the implementation. Oh, and you'll need to brush up on your finances because everything at your level is measured in dollar signs. It's okay though because after 12 weeks, you'll be shipping your first product. Except you didn't. You knew from the beginning that the deadlines set for you would be impossible to reach, but you stuck to it. Now the sales team is bailing you out by squeezing another couple of weeks out of the customer. Oh by the way, this isn't a reward. The sales team hates you and the customer is on edge. Also, the few weeks you gained were due to some contract negotiations. To appease the customer, you are now required to double your shipment by the end of next month. Naturally, you never planned for this, so you'll have to find a way to come up with the materials to get it done. Prepare to spend several late nights working your magic. That's because the only thing saving this project is actual magic. Compensation Congratulations! Your product has finally made its way into customer hands. Barring any catastrophic failures, you've reached your goal. It sure would be cool to be compensated for your work, right? Thankfully, the company is helping you put together a patent. If awarded, your name will go down in the patent as one of the designers. Neat! Oh, but there are definitely strings attached. While your name is on the patent, you certainly do not own it. Your company does. Therefore, if you have any need to leave the company, the patent can't come with you. Oh well, it's not like this project was your idea or anything. After all, you're just another cog in their money-making machine. Fact or Fiction This little bit of fiction was inspired by a few experiences I had while working in a large engineering firm. My creativity was quickly stripped away as every little component I developed had to go under intense reviews by everyone from managers to Principal Engineers. While I understand that the goal was to mitigate risk, we ended up protecting the industry from good ideas under the guise of safety. I remember being on a team that had little to no process, and it was excellent. We had the freedom to adjust our priorities and tackle the most important issues as they arose. As a result, we were able to release a prototype to the field within the first couple months of implementation. It wasn't long before we had several iterations under our belts. The Security Obsession As the product gained traction, we were forced to succumb to corporate bureaucracy. For starters, we had to go to great lengths to get the product blessed in terms of security. Call me crazy, but I never really understood the stress that we put on security. Our company essentially held a monopoly in a particular segment of industrial engineering, yet we were somehow worried that our software was going to get stolen. Honestly, it didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. For those at home, we designed a standalone system that we would pass off to the customer. Obviously, that design is insecure because the customer theoretically holds the blueprint. Whenever I would point that out, people would say crazy things like "then your code isn't secure enough." I'm sorry, but the security of my code in this situation is irrelevant. We handed the customer everything, and they expected me to go through great lengths to try to obfuscate the code. I can't tell you how many times I heard the word encryption. Ugh. The Branding Debacle About seven months into implementation, we decided to expand the product to the greater team. At this point, we had already proved that the product worked. We were simply crowdsourcing the business for ways to improve the tool. Boy was that a big mistake. I remember sitting in a meeting with about a dozen individuals who had likely never even heard of this tool. The point of the meeting was to demonstrate the tool, and give everyone an idea of its capabilities. That way, the greater team would be able to contribute their ideas for further functionalities. We were not even five minutes into the meeting before someone asked if we could change the name of the product. What? I was dumbfounded. Is this really top priority? Was the name somehow going to ruin our chances of maintaining our industrial monopoly? I just found it a little insane. Picture this. You spend half a year pouring late nights into a tool that you don't even know will work. You get support from your customers, and you manage to iterate through it a few times. As you build confidence, you start to see all the implications of your design. Then, BAM! Someone shows up and starts trivializing your efforts. It's a wonder I didn't quit sooner. The Takeaway Bureaucracy is the way of the 9-5 job. Everyone feels the need to leverage what little power they have over those around them. That is particularly true for middle management. Of course, it only makes sense. I'd be a little bitter too if I sunk half of my life into a desk job. Just think about Jim Halpert. He never thought he'd spend his whole career with the same company. Then one day it just hit him. I swear that will never happen to me. Credit: GIPHY Since writing this article, I stumbled upon a great tweet that led to an awesome article about this exact subject. Check out Tim Cull's article on Delivering on Something That Doesn't Exist. Also, make sure you check out the tweet. Many of the people in that thread share the same frustrations as me.